I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
positive spin of the day: since my nose is blocked from allergies cleaning the puke this morning was much easier
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
No clues in my phone. Only dialed call: my own social security number. And that was before 10:00pm.
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
No judgement. Sometimes you gotta twerk on a legends face.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I stopped hooking up with him and ran to the bathroom to throw up. He saw me throwing up and it made him throw up
Just checking to make sure you weren't kidnapped, pregnant or watching Fox News.
Eating power bars and masterbating... That's kinda my life right now. Is this what having a boyfriend means?
Thanks for the bagel and the sex.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Randomize
