we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
WTF why am I in the Atlanta airport?
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
As long as you don't die I'm in full support of your drinking decisions
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Whoever decided to wrap my shins in duck tape owes me new leg hair.
DO IT, or I'll send you pictures of my hickey to remind you of your loneliness
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
mid-october of freshman year. goals have shifted from "no more guys on my floor" to "all the guys on my floor."
I'm not kidding, he literally jumped in the red panda exhibit. I knew this was gonna be a good birthday.
Everytime after he came, he'd laugh uncontrolably for ten mintutes. He was sober..
Randomize
