i'm pretty confident that i watched a woman making love to a german shepherd.
whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
So I drew a giant robot attacking a city on the chem test. My TA colored in the fire on the burning building
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Please come collect your inebriated significant other. He just sleep-farted and scared my cats. Please hurry.
The shrooms have turned on carrie. Change of plans. We're getting stoned and finding bacon.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Had a dream I was doing scat with Caroline. I need to lay off the cheese at night
I was trying to type "I just want you naked" and it put "I just want you baked"
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