I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I'm proud of our boobs and what they could potentially achieve in life.
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
You slept with a red coat way too close to independence day. It's just very unpatriotic.
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
And then as he was trying to conceal his boner from everybody, you said aloud "just grab your cock and get out of the pool"
God I love incriminating evidence...wonder what the statue of limitations is on shitting on someones driveway
You flew out of the bedroom, stole two Solo cups from the beer pong table, put them on your feet, clicked your heels together three times
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
i was so high i thought the horse on my poster was running
BRING THE BAGELS
Ugh im hungover from last night, and to top it all off, I think someone jacked my laptop.
umm ya, so we found it in the oven wrapped in a pillow case this morning
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