he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
So I decided to start saving money for my abortion in a tomato sauce jar because it says ‘Prego.’ I know I thought it was fucking genius!
i just hugged the lady at the liquor store goodbye for the summer...
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
You gonna smoke this blunt? Or are you gonna keep doing Kung-fu in my kitchen?
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
If i'm not ready, make sure i'm alive. Not passed out dead in the shower.
I'll still do breakfast to celebrate the life you've had.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
Randomize