apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
Ed hardy stationary at walmart. I'm betting snookie wishes she knew how to write
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
TOUCH YOURSELF. DO IT.
I don't think that's how you're supposed to sext
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
i now know why i keep getting pictures of poop. apparently someone put my number in a girls bathroom saying i am a poop lover.
you text any of them back? this is probably the most women you'll ever have texting you in your life. don't squander a good thing
Vodka Red Bull is like your spinach if you were Popeye
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