I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
is it just me, or are high schoolers getting sexier?
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
Would you feed me pudding while my fake tan dries?
the cops were hovering over him then shinned a flashlight to the floor above ours, then I realized that some fucker jumped from the third story.
fuck our hall.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
Randomize