I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
It was like a mary poppins bag, except a sexual mary poppins bag.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Every time you blow me I should make a paper crane and we'll make them into a chain and hang them from the ceiling. And then whenever we have people over and they ask what the cranes are for I'll say "reminders" and wink at you.
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
You don't marry someone you don't want to fuck senseless this is 2014 dammit
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
she was sitting with her tits completely out.. on the kitchen floor..eating pickles by the handful... rapping mac dre... and then lit up a cig and continued...that drunk
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
Randomize
