you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
My workout was carrying 2 cases home from the grocery. It's Bowl Week.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
The lifeguard told us we had to move Mike before the tide came in when he passed out.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
that pic of me and the hulking football player sure does come in handy when creepy guys hit on me at the bar.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
I mean...if Marco gets pregnant, it is either the spawn of Satan or the second coming of Christ (neither of which I want in my life). So let's just hope that he doesn't grow a womb and that we don't have to consider either option.
Randomize
