Got a little crazy huh? Happy st pattys day. None of you have any idea where my credit card would be do you? How do i always lose
Life Lesson Number 76: Masturbating into a sock is useless if there is a hole in it.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
we got our roommate high for the first time. He went into his room alone and watched Malcolm in the middle for three hours
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
The first crop top of the year and you're rocking it in the ER. #ratchet
What is my life?
I am harder than a fucking diamond and Michael Bolton is playing. Your move.
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Is it sad that my idea of a quality foursome would involve one person eating me out while the other two rub my feet?
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