There's a woman at Starbucks that keeps pushing her stroller into me.
Punch her baby.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Have you ever chased with pilaf before? Because dont.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
this dude just showed up to the party with a falcon
okcupid is pretty much insisting i hook up with this chick who looks like andy milonakis.
Tbh.. I hope he still watches our sex tapes so he can be reminded of what he's missing out
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
you better come over.. I need a witness to help prove the couch talks to me
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
