Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
yea last night was a repeat of newyears...exept this time it ivolved a fish costume, throw up, a hole in the roof, and cops...lots of cops
I seriously think the toilet is the cleanest thing in their house. At least if I have to worry its not about that.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
So maybe I got drunk and hooked up with him in a hot tub? I mean that's nothing to be ashamed of, that kind of takes talent. I'd drown.
IS NO AN EMOTION BECAUSE THAT'S WHAT I'M FEELING RIGHT NOW
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
