oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
I want to leave work and go home and eat Five Guys and masturbate
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
danced like there was no tomorrow. surprise. there's a tomorrow
I'm gonna write a book entitled "when you give a cop a cookie..."
I don't even want to know.
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