honestly, who buys weed with an unemployment check?
you.
oh yeah. preciate
week 6 of class: i have yet to go to spanish sober. i love being THAT girl.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Is it a bad thing that the only time i wear nice clothes to class, is when i get too fucked up the night before and wear the same clothes i went out in?
We broke into the space center. If i go to jail I wanted to tell you, you have a fantastic dick. Use it wisely.
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
Have you had an orgasm with an n95 mask on yet? It was better than being choked.
Randomize
