He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
I feel so nauseous and all I want is string cheese. My life never makes sense.
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
Randomize
