Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
Last time I sleep with a guy with a penchant to fragrance his dick. Every time I sit to pee, I get a whiff of Axe body spray.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
and then I drunkenly screamed, "you can ride that Uber all the way to revenge city!"
which was funny until I realized I paid for my enemy's cab to go fuck my ex
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
I may or may not have spiked my gatorade to get through a game of monopoly with these children.
She flirted with a pilot and a frat boy at the airport in Vegas and told our bartender his mask matched her panties so yeah I’d say she’s rebounding from the divorce
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