The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
I feel like somehow my uterus ended up in my ribcage from all the keg stands i did last night..
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I woke up on the dog bed, bottle of alcohol still in hand and my thong was hanging off the family portrait.... Yikes
I've figured out why I love winter sex. Because I make them leave the beanie on, and we all know I love a man in a beanie.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
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