Why do girls get to wear clothes that say "do me now" but guys don't have that kind of option?
I mean, what would the male equivalent of a slutty dress be?
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
oh awks just saw the head of medical staff who I punched the bottle of wine at
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
