is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I realize that when i start making 24-themed music videos in my head to the song 'love is a battlefield' that i really need to get out more
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
what the fuck happened to the tacos
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
Randomize
