My room smells like vodka and shame
sometimes in life you just needs hand puppets
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
he called us the olsen twins. we also rapped ignition much to his dismay.
Last time we had a party like that I woke up naked on the pool table with a chalk outline around me and a empty bottle of jager duct taped to my hand.
Yea. I'm excited about this party too
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
It's times when I'm naked but also want to be platonically social that I miss you the most.
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
it was all good until mid make out when he announced 'i just came'. ...he wasn't joking.
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