She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
He looked way older than 15. He probably thought that since I have braces I was 15. Fuck. The 6 year age gap is never to be spoken about. Especially because what happened constitutes as illegal.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Im in his room watching him sleep. Im going to try and jerk off and not get caught by the nurse.
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
On Tinder, guy asked me if I had ever been fucked by a Pokemon master. Needless to say I didn't respond.
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
I just walked in on Joel doing a buck naked tripod headstand in front of the mirror so he could see the bug bite on his balls
I think the heterosexuals across the hall are negotiating about breeding. How do I figure out which one is against it and back them up?
Randomize
