let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
I unwillingly was the ball between four hungry hippos last night. I thought the one chick was actually going to eat me
when I picked him up he smelled like cheeseburgers, had a bite mark around his left nipple and we think someone stabbed him in the forehead with a pencil... it was like the Hangover meets Texas Chainsaw Massacre
he said i was so drunk that i shared a urinal with him and we simultainiously peed
The only reason we got away with streaking last time was cuz we had those miner hats
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
I am too young to be this hungover
Is this your way of saying you want a sober 19th?
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
Don't tell me you're on acid again
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
By 9 pm this evening I'll have accomplished smashing with two different guys in two different time zones in the same day.
Stay hydrated
He has a wall filled with panties from past hook ups. So no, I didn't fuck him.
Randomize
