I'm surrounded by 3 year olds in tutus. They are far too innocent to be within at least 500 ft of me.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
i dont understand blimps. what would happen if they collided would they just bounce off or fall to the ground.
dude how high are you right now?
do you think jeeves would know? you do it. ask jeeves.
I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
omg he fucking fingered me this morning. and i was just like this is the most awkward alarm clock ive ever had
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
Last night I went outside to our neighbors and asked them to put in money with me to get a hot tub for our patio. Niceeeee
She paid me 300 bucks to spank her and call her Baby Jane. Then we drank half a bottle of sippin whiskey. I'd call it a twelve out of ten.
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