Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I woke up in an empty bathtub with the wrong brother
I know how to say Yes, No, and Your Mother's Vagina. So almost fluent.
The album on my phone containing gross pictures to send when boys ask for nudes is now substantially larger than my normal photo album. Because I send one every night
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
My loniness meter has reached its peak. I just played shadow puppets using my Big Mac on the wall with my cats
Randomize
