I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
they started a semi-successful rumor that toby keith died. who says fraternities don't have goals
Did you get any last night. I need to track my forever aloneness
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
Woke up to the UT campus police fishing my boxers out of the university pool, guess it was a good night.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
With a word you would own me. At your command I would walk to your house completely naked.
Grandpa just whipped it out and started pissing on the way to the game stuck in traffic. I saw EVERYTHING. :(
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
