They say you shouldnt they say its no good for the environment in your vagina
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
My relaxing drive may end up as a surprise bootycall in Pittsburgh. Don't try to stop me.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Yay for living on the edge. I'm trying this new thing where I stop mom-arming people and promote bad decisions. It's working quite well.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize