Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
You've thrown off my entire schedule. Usually SATURDAYS are my "try to hide the jizz on my leggings" days
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Saw the Peanut butter guy at checkout he had at least 30 containers of it and like 6 different kinds...
How'd your date go last night?
Well I blacked out at 1:30 and woke up naked in not-my-date's bed with an uneaten Jimmy John's sandwich.
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
Randomize
