Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Is it weird that I want your dad to go down on me?
we smoked out of your homemade aunt jamima bong
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
No way. Every time you have sex with him you'll end up staring into those eagle eyes and stop mid-orgasm.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
he tried to have the "are we in a relationship" chat last night. I stuck my fingers in my ears, yelled lalalalalala very loudly at him and told him I would stop having sex with him if he ever tried that conversation again. bad person, or just being a realist?
Randomize
