Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
This morning I proved to myself and all the kids on the playground that I can't puke and drive.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Poorly worded request for dick pic resulted in stoned beanie selfies and "lol". Miscommunication is the devil's cock block.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
So chicken strips and confidence do not you make you sober.
Randomize
