i think the next time he gets me off i'm going to scream bangarang
ru fi oooo
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
There are thorn wounds on my balls, don't ever question my dedication to party again
airport. 106 proof japanese liquor. 4 little travel size containers. im proud to be smarter than the average american.
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
You're cordially invited to the love nest for alcoholic and aquatic adventures. Also known as an all expense paid trip to my pool, alcohol, and vagina.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
Randomize
