Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
So I fucked that hot french guy last night
You do know he's the one who threw up on our table, right? You get to clean it up.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
didn't prepare for this snow storm at all. i only have like 6 beer and all my booty calls already went home for the holiday. this is bull.
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
He wanted to watch a Charlie Brown thanksgiving. But I was like, fuck that, I'm a grown up. So we watched jumanji and I sucked his dick.
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I just showered and shaved both ankles and one knee because that's the skin that's exposed in the jeans I'm wearing today. Please tell me I'm not the only one who does that.
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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