On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
dont eat that thats our sex nutella.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
I know he’s married, but he’s still a guy with balls and a dick. He noticed my cleavage and stared at my ass. He’ll call.
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