i think if you made a shrine it would be creepy
I came out of bedroom with my jeans on backwards, zipped AND buttoned. I have inconceivable talents whilst intoxicated.
you handed me the dorito you were about to eat and told me to 'keep him safe' while you went to the bathroom
Gravity stopped and i'm discussing Greek philosophy with two guys I don't know. There's someone asleep on me. We need to use their dealer.
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
A huge penis doesn't warm the soul. Or that's what I've had to tell myself.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
No I'm not lying to you. I'm just not telling you the whole story. There's a massive difference.
Randomize
