Gte hit a new low, I took a poopnap, passed out mid poop on the toilet.
Sorry if I ruined your sex last night with my constant text updates about the plot of Bolt.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
You are going to be so proud of me, I'm wearing underwear AND tights. That's two layers more than usual between my vagina and the world.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Now back to adults eating hotdogs.
Apparently being drunk on a southwest flight and yelling "TURNUP" during take off is looked down upon in this state.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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