the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
shouldve known this week was gonna be bad when I threw up in my coffee mug
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
Beer vodka and pink lemonade powder mixed together. So. Many. Penises. My vagina will be calling out to them tonight. Coooooooooooooome.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
They're letting me in by good graces, I can't show up with a fist full of dildos
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
Randomize
