What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
He was having trouble staying hard then just stopped mid-sex and said "it's overheating" while pointing to his dick.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
There is a guy dressed as Captain America in the theatre. I want to make out with him even though I have no idea what he looks like. Wish me luck, I'm going in.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
The CEO is puking on the sidewalk and the HR director just offered me coke. Engineers have the best parties
Update: He still has devil magic genitals.
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Randomize
