I went to blockbuster, where I always go when I need to soul searching
Despondent, hopeless, I decide on vantage point, because I vaguely resemble matthew fox (let me believe this, please)
It was cheaper to buy then rent, so now I'm stuck w/ a wretched hangover and I own this shit movie
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
home. puking in laundry basket.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Well I turned her sobriety into my own personal drinking game
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
whenever i get involved w someone i'm gonna give you their number to testify to the fact that they should not fall in love with me
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
Randomize
