She kept saying my hands are a cupcake factory
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
There r osticjed everywhere
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
Dude, did you really "knight me" and tell me I had permission to bang your sister last night?
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I'd just like to inform you. That when I was at bvj the first day I was blackout drunk by noon. Get on past Chelsea's level like now. Do it for present Chelsea
I just gave a fucking twenty minute blowiob.. I'm a GOOD girlfriend.
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