We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
I actually had fun getting arrested. That high.
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I'd feel sorry for him and his injury but it's an inconvenience for my vagina
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
pain. pain everywhere. this is why throwing yourself at concrete is a bad idea.
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
Our relationship revolved around Taylor Swift albums. It's no wonder it ended so fast
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