how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
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