I think she heard me call her a fat skank. But she was to be fair.
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Now some guy that's in my phone as " Alex lip ring hot" is texting me and I don't where life is taking me
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
What type of condoms do you get ? Oh and do you want a slurpee while I'm here
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
Dick very happy bro
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize