After they won there was a guy outside Magee Hospital yelling "name your kid Sidney"... that guy may or may not have been me.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
you were asking all the dicks on chatroulette if they had daddy issues
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
Four times in one night? That Energizer bunny outfit lived up to the hype.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
He jizzed all over my ID badge. HR is gonna be pissed...
Sorry you felt insulted last night let me rub your butt in remorse
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
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