you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
At the T-Rex bar with my nephew...only in Disney can I have a beer and a soda at the bar with a 4 year old
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
it's all just a bunch of faces and i remember what the floor looked like.
It's 2:30 on a Friday afternoon. It's snowing and must be about 20 degrees outside. I'm sitting in this class with 300 people using up every ounce of energy and willpower not to puke all over the girl in front of me. This has got to stop.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
It's funny when you can't take a fishing boat because you fucked the captains wife
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
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