i'm saving my butt for my wedding night
you were calling yourself Ulickes S. Cunt.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
Pretty sure that drunken football on the back porch with 6 guys with a champagne bottle was a bad idea....
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Jason and steven are boiling shrimp in the microwave again
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
how fucking stupid do you have to be to think I'm going to accept your friend request months after falling asleep during one night stand sex?
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
Unless your apology includes a 20 something with loose morals and a daddy complex, I'm am not interested
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
Randomize
