Is moral bankruptcy something you need to file for?
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
We're having a serious conversation and I just responded to something he said with an emoticon. I am so baked.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
Went to the elf storage building to help him get his old dresser. Found his brother's stash in the drawer and ended up passed out w him on the mattress in there instead.
This heat and humidity do not mix with these braless DDs and a tank top at a BBQ.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I deserve this hangover.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
Randomize
