I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
When she can manipulate the direction of her leg hair, you know its time to leave
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
I have an epic ass bruise from a wheel tonight and I am drunk now because I decided vodka heals all wounds.
I love that you'd blow off your high school reunion to get shit faced in an aquarium with us
Um. We all know how I feel about sea life
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
My mom found your leather pants in our guest room. She doesn't want to know why they are there, she just wants to know if you want them washed.
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
Randomize