so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
so its official, girls can see a boner through my snuggie.
But like now everytime I pee I just think... wow I had sex with him on this toilet.
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
In 2009 his now husband dressed in a sailor onesie and heels for pride so he needs to REMEMBER how to party
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
Randomize
