The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
i just ate that cheese stick that was in my purse from last night.
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
She went off on a twilight/new moon tangent before we even got back to my room. i had to jump the ship and pretended to pass out on the sidewalk.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.
You tried to get me to kick my booty call out at 3am by tempting me with a trip to ihop
Agreed. That's like a marriage. For better or worse, till death do us part. I will hold your head over a toilet
Right but I don't wanna waste the whole weekend not having sex when we could be having sex
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
We're using joints as your birthday candles
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding
i am craving dick and cupcakes
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
Randomize
