She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
im officially scared..,i finally realized who my boyfriend reminds me of! spencer pratt
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Why do I feel like the only way for this trip to end is alcohol poisoning?
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
He fucks like those drill things that you see when you think of texas
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
OH MY GOD I AM DYING. AS I WAS TEXTING I JUST BUMPED INTO A MOTHER FUCKING DEER. I AM SHAKING
Wait...Literally? You hit a deer...with your body?!
I PHYSICALLY RAN INTO IT. I FELT ITS WEIRD HAIR AND I EVEN APOLOGIZED CAUSE IT DINDT REGISTER THAT IT WASNT A PERSON. MORTIFIED.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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