Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I threw up red last night... I wanted to pinch myself because it wasn't green.
I mean, it's free alcohol, to turn it down would be a crime against humanity.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Plus now I feel weird sleeping with you. It's like shooting a three legged deer. It's already at a disadvantage and couldn't get what it's full potential deserves.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
Where the fuck are you? I just got punched in the nose by a tourist
Some guy just walked past the bus stop in a lab coat and with a samurai sword and case...
Our sex from this weekend should be engraved into a plaque or commemorated somehow. It was fucking amazing.
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
Randomize
