I'm lost and stupid without you.
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
I didn't notice because vodka
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I wish the guy I was sleeping with wasn't on house arrest.
He won't leave and I need to take a shit and vomit, quite possibly at the same time.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
U just kept yelling her vagina wasn't a priority bc u had a bowl of cheerios calling your name
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
I woke up with my winter coat on, next to a polaroid of me, her and a swan...so no I don't remember our conversation.
Randomize
