then my best friend's brother, boyfriend, and future bro in law showed up at the bar. they asked who i was there with. didn't know if "a 40 year old man" or "my 5th grade teacher" was better answer.
please tell me that the half empty jar of cocktail sauce on the table has nothing to do with my missing seamonkeys
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
so he just called his new girlfriend by my name and she was too drunk to even notice how awkward..
I walked in and she was doing shots, betting the managers if any of the customers would notice, and screaming that nothing would ruin her Saturday night. Say what you want, I like working with my sister.
I had a dream that we erected a stage in our living room for "impromptu performances" how can we make this a reality?
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
I woke up to a shot of jager next to my face. I felt bad for it so i drank it
RA just said I set the all time record for a student who lost houseing..30min..I was moveing out while my new roomate was moveing in. know of any off campous places to stay??
yeah but think of how much more hungover we'd be if we didn't steal those cookies
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Can I put tequila in the fish bowl? I think he wants to party too
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize