I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
He graduated with honors. I've seen him kneeboard on dry ground and run a razor scooter into a wall...anyone can graduate with honors
Doing lines of coke through pieces of licorice. Because I can
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Awkward is sitting in your parking spot and making eye contact with every one of your next door neighbors two hours before you have a threesome.
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
