i cvme to yuor rooom...wherer are youf?
please be gone before i get back
Aj just asked if we were going to the bulldog tonight..i told her no because of the expense and tests coming up..but mostly because i don't want herpes
i'm in hospital, i have an exam in 3 hours and the man in the cubicle next to me is doing a noisy poo. this has to get better.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
I didn't just get this from the chlamydia fairy.. You should probably get tested.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
how do you make "fuck me in the break room" sound casual?
You smoked too much and passed out, didn't you?
You know me so well.
Randomize
