theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
I seriously just caught my 15 year old little sister with a positive pregnancy test coming out of the bathroom. Honest to God.
I have a coat hanger and a baseball bat. Her choice.
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
You slow clapped the stripper last night.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Randomize
