My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
Idk tell her to wear something sluttty. I have that one skirt I got arrested in if she wants to borrow?
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I was angry that a college kid had a new Audi
so I peed on it
Okay, tomorrow we'll have a day of life-sorting and plasma-selling.
THE STRIPPER HAD A GUN JOHN!
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
