He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
i am not allowed to pick the men i sleep with anymore
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
You asked the bartender if she was trying to get you drunk. She cut you off after that.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Can you bring home an IV stand and an empty bag so I can direct inject coffee for work tomorrow morning?
We turned a wake into a bar crawl.
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Randomize
