I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
party devolved into two exes battling with Cal's tiki torches, and the lawn being set on fire kinda sorta and then we all hula'ed... hulaed?
Hypothetically speaking, when I get a sugar glider would it be frowned upon to bring it Ito classes with me in m pocket?
I think I ejaculated my soul out.
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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