Hello rock bottom. My name is Jared. Nice to meet you.
which gay bar do you need a ride home from?
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
i ran around the party telling everyone that my favorite sexual position was also the only position that made me queef...i kept calling it the "double edged sword"
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
I saw he had me in his phone as "the fat twin"
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
Sorry for locking you out after accusing you of eating my Skittles... I realized I was mistaken after just throwing up the rainbow.
He peed off the roof and then we bonded it was beautiful
She said "I feel like I haven't reached my full potential" and I couldn't figure if she meant in life or with the weed..
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
I would be down to associate sex w taco bell
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
Randomize
