Get your hand out of your ass!
how did you know my hand was in my ass? Guess where my other hand is..?
In your belly button
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
It's like being the dunk pilot of a plane full of pornstars and drunkenness.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
I touched a dick in church today
You had blacked out Skype sex? Wow we live in the future
He’s basically a sexual superhero. A mild mannered marketing intern by day, but a very horny 22 year old with pornstar stamina at nights!
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