Hope the move went well! I'll miss you!
you are a cunt and I hated living with you and your skeezy boyfriend.Just thought I'd get that out there.
I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
wasted. watching meteors, awesome idea i ever had, see 2 for every 1 with ma double vision
we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
He turned me down because he was still doing his taxes.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Super awkward when the coworker you made out with in exchange for molly last weekend keeps coming over to your cube and trying to talk to you
Yeah I'm just gonna shower and drink a gallon of coffee and drunkenly write my research paper. It'll be fine
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
He fired me, I fucked his wife, we're even I think...
Someone signed my nipple.
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