I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
still using moms red Christmas cookie plate she sent to cut lines on. not sure I can return with a clear conscious
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
OMG OMG OMG DID YOU KNOW THERE ARE MINI CHOCOLATE COWBOY HATS THAT MEN CAN BUY FOR THEIR PENISES?
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Found some boxer briefs on my patio table this morning surrounded by a case worth of empties. Starting to remember why I have rugburn and a sore asshole.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Randomize
