The Redheads category on Pornhub is my number 2 site behind facebook on google chrome. I think I have a problem
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
he designed a suit out of pillows to protect himself when he fell.
engineering majors are such efficient drunks.
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
Well, she opened the door to puke outside the car, but she threw it open so hard it popped back and hit her in the face.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
I like how I get messages from eharmony at the same time I'm looking for a new vibrator. It's like the powers that be are just trying to make my life ironic.
Only in my life does a conversation about Hanukkah lead to sexting
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
He told me he loved me and I told him I shit myself
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
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