He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I bet you think you're really funny for switching my line of coke with a line of protein powder.
Okay, quick math test. If our entire group can do at least 6 shots a night, how much alcohol will be needed to keep us shit faced for the rest of the week? This is for a grade. Anddd, go.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
No I can't cure herpes. I'm an EMT, not Jesus.
Dude, fuck the siberian warm up. You can't put vodka in hot chocolate. Learn from my mistakes
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
Who replies to a drunk text at 6am that's like against the rules of being a designated drunk text receiver
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
Just made a diving catch to save a handle of Fireball falling out of the car. ESPN worthy.
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Never thought I'd see the day when I got assless chaps in the mail, and yet here we are...
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
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