The first thing on our $10,000 damage bill was "condoms in the main drain"
Its the Friday before break. There are 20 kids in my 300 person lecture hall. All with the same what the fuck am I doing here look on there face.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Not sure. We'll pass out on that bridge when we stumble to it.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
What drink are we having for lunch?
Water park on acid. THIS NEEDS TO HAPPEN!!
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
What even was the context for that. All I have written down is "I would vote for President SnakeJaw."
He told me he was my brother roommate in college after we fucked, but already knew that so I had pretend I didn't know that.. like how I pretended I finished. 2/10
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize
