I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
I'm going to fuck him so hard that his dick is going to fracture
Glad to see your being a lady about this
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
I am never taking a razor down there again. He'll have to love me as I am.
I used the light from the first guy's text notification to be able to snapchat the second guy in the dark. I am too good at juggling guys.
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
why is there a dog in my house with your initials shaved in it's fur?
dude, i just woke up in a house i've never seen. i have bigger problems
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
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